July Recap and August golas || Another one of those “wtf” months

 

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Hello, dear bookworms! How are you all? It’s again for the recap of the month and my next month goals. I’ve quite a number of things to say and I’m stressing just thinking about writing them.

I’ve quite a load of things to unpack, so be ready for my usual long post about my delusional blogging expectation and harsh reality crushing me.

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YOU ALL READING THIS POST AND ME WRITING IT

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This month has been much better than the one before! Because I went from zero read to three books! Not all reads were amazing but I’m super glad that I managed to actually do something during this month.

Fawkes TheRagingOnes BirdBox

  • Fawkes got as an eArc ages ago but I didn’t enjoy that much. In the end it didn’t work for me at all. Plus some issue that I wanted to address but… it was messy and I didn’t find much confrontation from other bloggers.
  • The Raging Ones is a sci-fi that gave me some mixed feeling for the world building but I felt really near the characters and the end left me really waiting for the sequel.
  • The Bird Box is a dystopia horror full of gore that I read in little time… and during night. Yeah, I had the perfect genius idea. It wasn’t so scary but put a lot of tension on me.

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ON MY SIDE

I’m officially at 327 followers between email subscribers and wordpress followers! I wanted to reach 400 but is still better than nothing because I’ve been quite inactive and also got an unplanned week hiatus, and I didn’t comment as much as I wanted…. things like those. And in a way or another I’m happy of what I wrote.

So, during this month I reviewed Fawkes and The Raging Ones. On other post I:

 

AROUND THE BLOGS 

Again I need to state that I’m sorry on how I didn’t comment on every post I’m going to link here, but trust when I say that I read them. I’m trying but I cannot follow everything 😞

WIPstuff

I’ve decide to skip the haul section. I got two books but I didn’t take pictures with both of them. Anyway, those weren’t enough to feature in a big haul picture, so…

But on the bright side I did some progress with my WIP. Is not that I started to write again but I figured some things:

  • I got that writing in English may not be the better option for a future publication. From one part is great because I don’t have to pay agents for just seeing my work, but all the discourse on piracy… I’m not in the UK or the US. This make me a difficult choice to be picked. And all the tales of authors that were almost dropped by publisher because of pirating book… Yeah, two points against my project
  • At the same time writing in Italian is okay but I don’t feel like publishing in my country. Plus I need to pay for being seen by an agent and I don’t have enough money
  • I deleted some character from my heavy cast and I got to 27 character between secondary and primary in what is probably going to be a four or five books series
  • I did some boards for my characters and created again some of their concepts
  • I found another useful book for my research but I’m moving fast as much as I would

 

My goals for August are quite simple and kind like the same of the whole year? My life is repiting itself.

IN REAL LIFE STUFF

  • Stay on my diet but without stressing. Meaning that I will eat healthy and lost some weight if I manage. Nothing extreme, just a little bit that would help some of my conditions. Plus I want to find space to do some exercise.
  • Do as much as I can for October upcoming exams. I cannot bring a lot with me during August, but I can work a lot on my computer
  • Do good at work. I need to learn few things and I don’t know how is going to be. But I’m doing it for the money.
  • Get out enough to realize and wrote my travel blog post. I’ve already decided what I want to write about and I’m positive I will manage some of those.
  • Keep contact with my friends and share things with them

MY WIP

  • Finish those books for the research, even if I’ve to prioritize those over my reads. I really need to put and end to both books
  • Possibly finishing the boards of my characters
  • Choose wich research books are good to read next

BLOGGING

  • I want to write nice thing on my Twitter and interact more with other readers and be less snarky or angry. I need to relax a moment
  • Post on Instagram not every five weeks but at least every three or four days.
  • Scheduling before the blogger life gets me
  • Read at least six books, or stick around the number of five. I don’t pretend to get to ten books or things like that but for sure I need to read more than last month.

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Well, this time I will try to be brief. Even I’ve tons of things to say. First and most important things is that I’m finally getting peace with the fact that I’ve a form of anxiety and finding affirmative to say it aloud. But I’ve more dark stuff inside me and I’m not in the condition to talk about it with everyone.

Few days ago I had another anxiety attack and my parent are slowly starting to get that I’ve something. Still, despite themself being subject to anxiety and past form of depression (I’d to force them to spill it out), they’re ableist as hell. But that’s a typical reaction that many Italians have because of my nation background. They would never admit to have any form of mental illness or problems.

Because of this anxiety issue, I had a confrontation with my mother and:

  • maybe I went somewhere
  •  still she puts everything on herself instead of focusing on the fact that I needed help. Also she went on with how much it wasn’t her fault if she wasn’t trained to catch my situation. And that I should be more patient/open toward other people like her. This will never happen.
  • instead of suggestion therapy, she want me to see a sophrologyst. This will never happen x2.

So, I got that in my country, I will try to survive on my own. Anyway, my condition also made me suspect of other things but at the same time it sabotage my suspicion. I cannot talk with my parents about those exams because it took ages to just made them realize that I’ve anxiety and they still downplay everything. Plus the money. Maybe I will address my doctor to help me with somethings.

Also, I decide that one day I’m gonna talk about some issue with a friend of mine but I need to find the right way to handle it. I don’t need people who stress over me, but that know who I’m and help when I feel like in need.

I’m exploring more and more my orientation. I still stick to my asexual part, but while my whole life experience suggest that I may be aromantic, I cannot help to have a sort of romantic mind and this confuse me a lot. Maybe I’m demiromantic but is not like I bump into people everyday… so I can’t figure it out. The only thing I’m sure about is esthetic attraction and I realized that I’m attracted to more than one gender. But I’m still on the fact to get if gender actually plays a role or not, if I’m more attracted to the figure itself in matter of pure esthetic and style or something else too.

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MYSELF WHILE SOME PART OF MY MINDS TRY TO GET THINGS

This also don’t help me to figure out the actual difference between romantic and sensual attraction. Like, I see it but when it comes to my personal sphere, things get confused. Especially because I s ee a lot of people push on the idea that romantic attraction should be all about: dates, kissing, holding hands, cuddling… Personally I don’t cuddle or hold hands with anyone and I don’t see why I should do it, even if I feel something for someone else that may be romantic. What stop me from doing a date without kissing and such but seeing things together and talking? Maybe I need explore more the platonic side of the a-spectrum. But a lot of people also talk how much romantic attraction is different from person to person. And since my mind like to over think things, everything get complicated.

That’s pretty much all of it. My burning out exams stuff and having existential crisis. Oh, but wait… I’m going to work next month! My real first work. And I’m gonna do some travel post for the occasion.

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tell.

 

HOW WAS YOUR MONTH? DID IT WENT WELL? YOUR FAVORITE READ AND THE WORST ONE? SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE? 

 

17 thoughts on “July Recap and August golas || Another one of those “wtf” months

  1. Lovely wrap-up ❤ I am happy to hear you had a better reading month, I hope that August will be even better 😀
    Thank you so much for sharing my posts, it means a lot! ❤
    Best of luck for your writing and everything, sendin you positive vibes for August ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this post Camilla, and I’m sorry you’re going through everything you are relating to your anxiety. I suffer from that as well, and it’s not nice so I hope you manage to work through everything and come out the other side (you know, as much as you can) soon. 🙂
    Also it’s great you had a more positive reading month, even if the books you picked up weren’t amazing, and good luck with your goals for next month too. I hope you have an incredible August.
    Great recap, and thanks so much for sharing my post as well. 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for sharing my post! ♥️♥️
    I’m sorry to hear your parents aren’t supportive of your health issues. Hugs and some positive vibes your way! I have some anxiety issues too and recently learned how seriously they affect my health. There is always light at the end. Don’t give up! 👍🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing my post! 💕
    I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy Fawkes, it looked promising, I thought the subject was interesting! The Raging Ones is an anticipated release of mine, I love the Ritchie twins, I’ve read their romance books and adored them ❤ I hope I’d like their ya release as well, I’m sorry you thought the world-building was kind of off.

    Liked by 1 person

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